You could never imagine how hard it is
Stuck in your own skin, when you're dying to break out
To look in the mirror and know, know that you are not going to like what it is you see
But you know you can't think that way
And still, no matter what you tell yourself, nothing makes the pain wash away
And so you learn to live in disappointment; but you don't tell anyone that
Maybe you'll give it a shot. Try and shake it off-
You're beautiful, they say
You have nothing to cry about, they croon
Girls would kill to look like you, is what she fills your head with
But you don't believe any of it. Because you don't see it.
They're all lying. You just know it.
Look harder, it must be there.
Even though you've never heard it before, and just because she spit it out amongst the lies, doesn't mean you don't deserve to feel the beauty deep inside, or does it?
You think it does.
But you don't know how wrong you are dear Ariel.
Open your eyes
Look around
Don't look away just yet
Keep your confidence high
Your smile tight
Let the light shine - because you know its there
What is it they tell themselves
All the pretty people, who think they're just as ugly as the rest of us, beautiful people
Excuse me, but how did you miss it?
How can you not see what it is you are -
You should have ignored those ignorant voices, the jealous screams
They only wanted to break you down, get you lower than they were, and baby, why did you let them win? When you were the champion all along ...
Your shaking gave away how deep they got inside your head
When you cried at night, they heard what it was you kept below the surface
And they let it out, to leak from your bleeding heart and swollen eyes
They made your secrets the worlds public domain and taught you lessons that pulled at the wires on your sleeve
And they made you forget your every word, like the fall of a queen, they taught you how to behave - and that was everything you weren't meant to be
But slowly, defiantly, insecurely, you pulled through.
You began to realize that, you are who you are
Forget those momenta of doubt.
The hours spent in front of the mirror, critiquing every single inch of your body.
Weighing yourself ten times a day.
Denying yourself of the delicacies life has to offer.
Defining yourself by the counting of bones and loss of fat. How ridiculous it all is.
Establishing your worth based upon how perfect you can be - body, mind, and soul. What is perfect anyway?
Dictating your beauty and self respect by the many men who claim they will do anything for you, that they are there for you, that you are the only one, and that they love you. How I fell for this BULLSHIT. I learned my lesson. And that's a thing of the past.
Why do we do this to ourselves?
Why do we punish ourselves like this?
Why do we make life a living hell? It's almost as if we enjoy it. And maybe some of us do.
This is going to be the end of it. Not another for letter word.
That face that spits the ragged lies and foul remarks. It stops now.
I deserve to feel beautiful - EVERY single day.
I deserve to say out loud, that I am happy and healthy.
I deserve to laugh and cry with my best of friends.
I deserve to be treated with nothing but the utmost respect; Treat others as you want to be treated.
I deserve to be able to have bad days too - for its impossible to have a good day every day.
Its OK to cry for no reason, laugh out LOUD, ask for a hug out of the blue, get grumpy, be tired, sleep in late, wake up early, stay up all night, miss a day of work, not finish ALL of your homework, not study as much as you probably should have, have a "dessert" day, call in sick when you just don't feel like getting up, not take "swimsuit season" seriously, not workout, wear high heels to go grocery shopping, wear the same outfit two days in a row, not take life too seriously, and most importantly, remember to always be true to YOURSELF.
No one cares if your a little over weight, just right, or too skinny. You ARE perfect just the way you are.
So start believing it - not tomorrow, not in a week, not in a month, start loving yourself right NOW.
I know I myself am trying damn hard. It's a struggle every single day.
I wake up, feel my stomach, grumble in disgust, sit up, get out of bed, look in the mirror, then look away thinking "this is what I have to work with?", then continue to doll myself up until I can bear to look myself square in the eyes.
This happens every morning. And it hurts every time I think about it. But I'm trying to change that. Because everything I just said I do believe. And I want to feel it. I want to feel it pulsing through my veins, throughout my body, and not be able to help but smile.
That is my wish.
That is my goal.
And I must never forget, that confidence is the stain they can't wipe off.
Xxxo
Ariel Mohlis.
