Nowhere To Run

I'm not sure if I know how to communicate if I'm not putting my emotions into words strewn together like poems
I'm not so sure anyone would want to hear otherwise

Its hard to tell someone your deep and dwelling secrets
Maybe its better that way
Then the world would read you like an open book

It's not that the world doesn't understand me,
I hate when people say that

Everyone has their dues to pay and their scars to clean
What you've been through someone else has done worse
There is always a darker shadow than the one that follows you

But is that so true to say?
What you experience is your life
You shouldn't compare it to anyone else

But the minute you open your mouth
You better be open to scrutiny

It's those monsters that look back at you in the night that you wish would go away
Its that face in the mirror you wish would change
It's the love you went without for so many years
And the many nights you spent on the floor and you don't even know where

But I can't help but feel that I live in that constant state of comparison
If it's not me it's them - people
Their eyes take in what their mouth spits out
And then the words settle in your mind
Followed by the bruises that get thrown all over your heart

Thank god he loves you at night
He tells you their wrong
That he's a dick
What a pretty girl you are

But sometimes pretty isn't enough
Because you can never get them out of your head

But you close your eyes and will it all away
Even though you hold on nervously to every stab to every wound

But no one knows because you hide it so well
You're really OK - tell them you're OK
Then maybe you'll believe it

It's alright though
Thank god he loves you at night
He tells you their wrong
That he's a dick
What a pretty girl you are

...

A

They Have All Been Broken

Titled They Have All Been Broken by Ariel Gray

I wish it would come already
I wish it would hit hard

I've been waiting
God knows I'm not helping anything by being this way
So don't tell me to fake it
I've been faking it
This is the best I've got

If you could see inside you'd see how ugly it really is
How much of me is really missing
What I've torn away
Why I set it on that glass edge
When I knew it would fall - shatter
I saw right through to it

Maybe that's why
Why you didn't move
Why it felt so good
As it spilled onto my feet

Our eyes met but you saw nothing
The nothing that is me

It's not alive
It died right here
When all the signs shown round
Because I'm the one that's drowning now

I only saw you
But all I felt was the water moving
As I sank down
And It came up

My lungs breathed in
And I knew it then
You'd never understand
The things I hide inside

And you were so upset
As I saw your eyes one last time
They shown the signs that you saw all around

The water lapping at your feet
I wasn't just asleep as my eyes bowed down

Then you leaned into me
It came back to me
As the water traced my cheeks
It kept on rising

I tried to swim
But I couldn't

The water filled my head
And I prayed that the water would drown out the pain -
Then the beating drum got louder

I went down
And our fingers parted
The noise made such a mighty sound

And you were so upset

And everything I ever wanted
Was falling all around me

Then the curtains closed and the water went black

- Gray (Myself)

Take Me

Titled Take Me by Ariel Gray

I'll stay here for awhile
Let the feeling set in

I stare back at it
As I fall down and fumble a bit
It's alright -
It's happened before
All the time

I let it happen
Once to try
Twice even if I don't like it
Three times because I have no control
Four times, don't give up on me

I crave it
I need it
It's just a series
A line up of shorts

I picked it all up again
I got it all back -
Now I can't hear you
And you won't answer back
Because of the way I am

I don't have much to say
It's all yesterday to me
It's the way that I am

I didn't write this take -
Yeah it has my name on it
A different spelling, but the same name

It's me
Different spelling, but the same name

It's me
Now you know -
All my failures for sale

How I sat there
Red and amazing
So quickly fading
It's just the way that I am

There's that line
The one I straddle
It teeters beneath me
I don't say a word
But you see it
My worth I measure everyday

I hold the device
I know how much or how little
You'll never know
It's not an alphabet for you
I know it backwards
It's out of your reach

I'm not too numb yet
Couldn't get that far -
Oh how I love it there
You wouldn't understand

Its because of all the evil -
Him
Them
You
Me
Her
Us
I don't know how to let it all in
Only the dark
Only pain
That much I can let in

I know how it all happens
How it all comes down
How I always get hurt
Then I forget

I try so hard
But the push came too late
Then I saw you die
And how I was ready for one of us
This day called a funeral

I sat there and watched
Then I realized it wasn't you
It was me -
Un-whole as always
So ashamed
It's my journey now
Just let go

I had one life and it stole me away
I was made of stars and they came falling down
Disappearing like dust

But I let it happen
Once to try
Twice even if I don't like it
Three times because I have no control
Four times, don't give up on me

- Gray (Myself)

Good Enough

Good Enough by Ariel Gray

Never have I
Never have I felt so alive
I was so dead inside
How is this so?
What have you done?

The way you moved
I hid myself away

Then you smiled -
I smiled
That paralyzing pain
Where did it go?

It passed through you
You didn't see it
But you saw me

I lived to bleed
But you sewed me up
No idea that you saved me
Not a clue

To rise against it all
I did it
I wanted this

You loved me
I love you too

You were worth all this pain
All
So glad my hands failed
So glad all I have is scars

I've made this smooth line
Lets ride it out

You're the one
I'm no Longer a threat
To me

Thank you

I'm ready to carry on
I'm past all of this
Now I'm in this -
With you
I'm all in
For you, For me
I'm all over you
Now you see it

So good
It's lovely
I hope you feel it
I hope you want it

Tell me
Touch me
I want to know this is real
I'm not letting go

- Gray (Myself)