Magic

Titled Magic by Ariel Gray

I carry my past around with me
Pieces strewn about
Things you cannot see
I sit with it, with them

Shove it into my back pocket
The corners peek out

Then I stopped laughing
Threw it into the corner
Let it roll around

Nodding my feet
Got that itch to scratch
As I poured it down the sink
Watched it splash up
Dabbed the spot with that torn up cloth

I wanted to make it go
Out of control

Something my hands have never done before
My fingers pointed it out
I wrote it down
But I never
And you know it
There are too many keys to that lock
And you have the wrong one
Sorry, I forgot to tell you
Lets change face

Is that all you ever hear
Cuz its all I ever hear you say
Such pretty lips for those dirty words
Wash them out
Try on a new pair
I bought you a few
I hope they fit

Maybe if I angle the camera
A bit to the left
Or to the right
I want you in the frame
Stand still
Listen to me
My words
Intently, delicately, spectacularly, obscura

But it was wrong
So why didn't you stop me
When you knew it all along

Thanks for this shot
For combing my hair
Now its a mess
My beautiful disaster
It was wrong
But I kept the noise low

You hushed me there
Kept your hands on my mouth
That wasn't so wrong
I was saving myself
Piecing the puzzle
The one Ive always been working on
But I don't even like puzzles
And I lost the picture
So it sits there, uncompleted

Focus
My eyes are up here
You've got to be someone I know
Because you looked at me like that

Did we used to be friends
Maybe that was the other key
Not the right one, it stood and left
Like I intended
Tied like a bow on top
Well that's what they said
I didn't think so either
Nice to know I'm not so alone

Tasting this part of me
This something
Putting on the same shoes
Day after day
Hoping the blisters set in
That familiar sting
Reminding me I don't fit
That it's wrong
But scars are strong
Good thing I've got a lot
I must be really strong

What about this time
I feel it coming on
I anticipate
Pretty darling don't shake
Hold it together
Just a block to go
Keep your gait
You mustn't hide
Even a slight difference
They'll see it
Unlike the sound
How def they are
Good thing shame has a paralyzing voice
One they can't hear

Swollen inside
Never alone
Even when you try so hard
She's still what you see in the mirror
But not all the time

- Gray (myself)