Wasted.

What do you do when you have no one to turn to?
Nowhere to go?
Nothing left to say ....

When the ones you loved, become the ones you avoid
When their words hurt more than your thoughts

CRAZY! They shout
Never thinking once what that might sound like to you
Not realizing that those five little words will fester into a war within your head
When, I Love You, is all you wanted to hear

Now the sight of them, makes you cringe
When every passing second, is the time when you're waiting for their critique
Plotting your time alone
The damage you will do, as you try and figure out how to push them away

They think they know,
But god they have no idea
If only they could feel as bad as you, then maybe they might see
But they never will -
Because NORMAL is what they think they are
And it's not fair

They don't understand what it is you're doing
How long you've gone without -
Love, Compassion, Attention, Happiness
Now all you have is that empty feeling that sits inside you,
The feeling you rely on, because it is the only feeling that you can understand
And that is something that they can never understand.

You judge your happiness by your reflection in the mirror;
Will today be good or bad? Check the scale.
Why can't you see whats in front of you? You need to just look harder
But you still don't see it; you'll never see it
They ruined it for you
And they won't stop you; they think its a game
So you play along, it's how you get what you want
But is this really what you want? No, I didn't think so.
But now you can't stop; you've gone too far, and you need help

HELP! I don't need help you say
But you know you do
It's why you hide yourself away; why you cry yourself to sleep
But you can't tell anyone, because you find it hard to say
And they find it hard to take

So instead you continue, like a ghost
Blackout -
You shake too much,
You're never warm,
You can't think straight,
You're hearts a mess

But you're fine; you keep saying
Maybe they'll believe you, maybe you will too

But none of that really matters
You're still alone, left with the horror that beats inside

And all I want is for you to hold me close,
Please never let go; promise you won't disappear

But you can only lean on someone for so long,
Then they throw their hands up; they'll all be gone
Back to square one
So you learn, never get too close, never care too much, never count on anyone
Because no matter who says they'll be there, no matter what they say, they never are.
You're all by yourself.

Then the room starts to spin,
And you curl up on the floor.
Hopeless and cold
That's what you feel.
FUCK IT ALL.
That's what you think.
When will it all end? And will you be alone?
That's all you can ask.

So what do you do when you have no one to turn to?
Nowhere to go?
Nothing left to say ....

When the ones you loved, become the ones you avoid
When their words hurt more than your thoughts

All I want is someone to hold onto,
Someone who won't point a rigged finger at me -
I don't need to hear what's wrong with me; don't you think I know?
I don't want to hear you; as you mess with my mind

Just give me support.
Is it so hard to listen
Is it so hard to love
Is it so hard to care
Is it so hard to encourage
Is it so hard to kiss
Is it so hard to laugh
Is it so hard to smile
It must be.

Or is it me?
It must be.
Do I not deserve any of that?
Do I not matter, am I not good enough?
Apparently not.

And so I sit here,
Me and my emptiness that hugs me in its toxic way
Wondering what is to come of me, now that I've lost control

But it's OK, I know the right words to say
And I wish I didn't
But don't worry, I'll make it - I've come this far
I just wish you were here, whoever you are
To block it out
To keep me from fading;
Save my soul.

-Gray